Tuesday, 18 March 2014


Yay we have stared writing! We are learning to look back and edit. The purpose of this post is to show you my first draft. Later on there will be more added. This is so that I can see how far this writing has taken me. Here is my walt criteria and writing!

As the bus strolled through the Highland Home gates my eyes widened. A huge grassy field emerged to our right a long gravel road on the left with the top of the tower greeting me I wonder what it was for. I stood up on my seat looking out at the beautiful sight!  I felt as though I could stay here forever. 

Soon we were off the bus and rolling around the grounds on our tour. At the end we saw a small fire pit with a large rusty concrete circle around it. Next was the basketball court it was a large indoor place with no carpet or lines just two hoops and gear. It looked a bit like a large house from the outside.

After that we were taken to or cabins. Our bunk group was called up first we opened the curtains to find a small tidy cabin with 8 beds 4 top bunks and 4 bottom bunks. We unpacked. I was on the first bottom right.

After that we ate lunch and had our 2nd play on the grounds.   
I found a swing and settled.

Suddenly it was time for dinner we put our shoes on and walked to the dining hall in cabin groups. I found a table and we all sat there. We waited and talked about all our fun and what tomorrow would be like.

Soon our table was called up. We left our seats and went up to see what was for dinner. Soon we all new the drill! 

You take your plate and chose witch side you want take they have the same food.

 “I wonder what will happen at the glow worms tonight” I translated in my head as I sat down.

“What will we need for glow worms?” Grace asks Emma. Emma shrugs “A torch warm cloths and a winter hat perhaps?” Secretly I am thinking that Emma is right! But I can tell from the look and Graces face that she douse not agree!

Learning buddy 

I like the way you have used inner thoughts.

You could work on similes you do not have any.


1 comment:

  1. A good start here Bella. I think you need to look again at the Task set as you have given us a recount of the start of camp but have not really focussed in on one experience and kept us in suspense. I look forward to your second draft! Mum.