Thursday, 20 March 2014

Camp Writing 3rd draft

This is my 3rd attempt to edit this piece of writing. How do think that I am going?

For weeks before camp everyone had been talked ing about the abseiling. At first I thought it was a type of sailing a little boat! Yay! I like water, and boats. I might be an expert. Then I noticed on our camp packing list...a bike helmet...for abseiling...hang on! My group decided to research abseiling and guess means walking backwards down a HUGE crumbling rock face with just a tiny thin rope between you and certain death falling all that way to the ground! Actually our research assured us it was safe, there would be an instructor and the ropes they use could hold the weight of a fully grown african elephant. Hmm, so it was all perfectly safe. I was not convinced.

The day of camp finally arrived. My tummy churned with butterflies. Some kids were worried about being away from home, not me! All I could think about was the challenge we were going to face dropping ourselves over some gigantic rock face somewhere!

As the bus rolled through the gates to Highland Home my eyes widened. A huge blanket of grassy field emerged to our left. On the right a long gravel road twisted down a hill and the top of a huge wooden tower loomed high in the air. My tummy flip flopped, I wonder what that was for? 

Soon we were off the bus and strolling around the grounds on our tour. 
We settled into camp and there were lots of fun activities. Always at the back of my mind though was that tiny string thing hanging off that that... It trailed on. huge rock face! 

Night came and the last thing I saw before I ducked into my cabin was that huge wall glooming over Highland home watching us like a tiger silently stalking his prey.

Morning came. I checked the timetable.

8. Abseiling 

I could not believe it!? How could we do this if there was no abseiling cliff face? Oh well. First up for my group was rock climbing. Ants the instructor went though all the stuff we needed to know. All of a sudden it dawned on me that the wall was a huge, and I mean HUGE cube so that means... AHHH THE ABSEILING IS ON THE OTHER SIDE!!!!!!!

After five minutes of screaming in my head  staring at the monster wall I was attached to a rope and started to rock climb. For some reason climbing up did not bother me, it was fun.  Half way up the wall all of the scared thoughts thumped and then tumbled out of my head. Maybe I’d be fine with abseiling after all?

At breakfast the next morning everyone talked about how they are scared of heights. They asked me if I was. I don’t know? Maybe I should be scared of heights.? I tried to remember our next thing activity um.... was it slip and slide? No. Rock climbing? No. Photo diary. UH NO. ABSEILING! It all went dark...

I found myself at the foot of the ‘tower of death’ it loomed in the air taller than the Eiffel Tower. We had put on harnesses (that kind of gave me a wedgie)! Soon I was called up the ladders. I gulped then forced my frozen body forwards. Had anyone checked these things?! They were rusty and old. Rickety like a car with loose screws. They wobbled and wobbled but I made it up. When I reached the top Ants clipped me up. Everything became still and silent. All happiness and light drained away. I tore my gaze from my shoes and slowly and reached for the bar grasped it and looked up. Here we go.

My heart was pounding, bang bang bang it went. Could everyone hear it.?The sound of it wound me up even more. Even more dark I started walking down the wall, suddenly my footing slipped. Strike one. I clutched the rope tightly in terror. I looked down at the scene below, the rest of my group were miniature mice. Strike two. When I reached half way it was I felt way better I even started doing bounces! I can not believe it, it was g actually fun! When I got to the bottom I felt incredibly relieved.  What a great experience. I felt on top of the world!

I am glad that I tried! 

1 comment:

  1. Bella, what a beautifully written piece! Well done! You have really drawn me in as a reader... I couldn't stop. You have followed the success criteria closely and have a brilliant piece of writing as a result! I loved your opening paragraph - your anecdotal notes are hilarious! Maybe you could end with "even though my feet are planted firmly on the ground, my head was still up in the clouds"? Or something to that effect...