Wednesday, 18 June 2014

Writing sample

WALT: inform

DESCRIPTION: Write an explanation about something you have learned about energy.

What? We are publishing a piece of writing.
Why?, To share on our blog and during our Student Led Conference.
When? Week 6

  1. Description In class we are writing about energy. We have also been learning the terms of PEELS Point Evidence Explanation Link Style.

  2. Evaluation I think that I did an ok job on my writing I think that a better ending would be what I need to improve on.

  3. Feedback/feedforward

    state the main point in the first part of a each new paragraph

    You have tried to start with a point to clue the reader into each paragraph. these are clear.
    include evidence (facts, experiments etc) to support my main point

    You have included great examples (evidence) that the reader can relate to. Well done.
    explain the evidence and how it proves my main point

    You have persevered to try to explain how/why your example proves your point - this is really tricky, well done.
    Practise writing a linking sentence to my next paragraph

    I can see that you have tried to link between ideas and some paragraphs. This is hard to do!
    infuse style: topic-specifc vocab, second/third person, present tense, transition words

    Great style, you have used great transition words.

Energy is everything in your food like a car, a pan, a fire, you name it - it has it!

Potential energy is stored energy. If you hold a ball up in the air, you are giving it the potential to drop. It is also forcing against gravity.  For something to be potential it must be getting ready to fall. Like a pen sitting on a table is doing nothing But if it is on the edge it has the potential  to fall. For example if you look at Newtons Cradle when you lift one of the balls you are giving it potential energy which is stored energy. So this shows you how potential energy energy works.     

Kinetic is when an object is moving. For something to be kinetic it must be moving. Therefore if you drop a ball it would be kinetic because it would be moving.You can see the energy because you can see the balls moving on Newtons Cradle. The energy is travelling through all the balls creating energy and momentum.

One day I was walking down the footpath. It was boiling hot. I had also just managed to catch a fever and my mum had said that my temperature was rather high. The sun just made me feel worse. As I walked further down the path a big tree provide some shade. I stepped in. My body went cold. I stepped back out into the sun, before long I was hot again. Because there is no barrier between me and the sun so it hits me.  I remembered my high temperature. I wonder if it was related to that as well?

So my question is are heat and temperature the same? Well, no. Heat is a type of gas, while temperature is what we use to measure it. Temperature can measure not only hot but cold as well. Therefore it has more super powers than heat.

For example if you had cold water and you put your finger in it your finger would try get to the same temperature as the water. If you put the other one in hot water you can see how it will start to numb it. Then put them both in room temperature water.

This is the same with the shade. My body tried to get to the same temperature as the cool shady place but then tried to get to the heat of the sun. It is called radiation when the sun hits you though waves. I also asked if the heat was the same as my temperature but we all have a body temperature so this is where the english language is wrong!

So therefore heat and temperature are NOT the same whatsoever!

The End

1 comment:

  1. Great explanation Bella. I think you have described potential and kinetic energy in particular really well. Are you going to post a second draft to follow on from your evaluation that you wanted to improve your ending? - Mum.